I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
