My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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