Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
