The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In other news, I just burned my penis
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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