mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
