its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
