Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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