at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He kissed a someone with a penis
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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