I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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