So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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