I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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