We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
