Sponge bath it is.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
