I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
