I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
