You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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