Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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