she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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