i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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