Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
