I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
