SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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