you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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