I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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