i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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