9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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