so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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