So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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