I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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