before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
