Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
