I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
