Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
