I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just google imaged poop.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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