No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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