i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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