I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
