Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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