Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
