the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
