you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
