is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
