i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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