Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
