i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
