you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
