Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
