Barsexuality is the new black.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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