I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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