I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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