from now on my penis is your penis
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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