Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
