If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
