dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
her vagine was all disorganized.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
