The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
