So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
