I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
