If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
