I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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