Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize