At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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