So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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