i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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