who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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