im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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