You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
