im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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