I'm so fucking centered right now
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hippo gnu deer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
