so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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