with your own penis?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
