I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
